Tips For Parents Of Transgender Teens and Children

Parenting is one of those roles where you think you’ve seen it all—and then, life throws you a curveball. When your child comes to you and says they are transgender, it can feel like one of those curveball moments. You might feel overwhelmed, uncertain, or even a little scared.

But guess what? That’s normal. As a therapist who has worked with many parents of transgender teens, I’ve seen how this journey can be one of growth, connection, and, ultimately, deeper understanding.

This guide is here to help you make sense of things, provide support, and remind you that you’re not in this alone. With the right information and the right mindset, you can be the strong, affirming parent your child needs. Let’s dive in.

Exploring Gender Identity and Why Parental Support Matters

Before we go further, let’s get clear on what we’re talking about. What does it mean to be transgender? Simply put, being transgender means your child’s gender identity doesn’t align with the sex they were assigned at birth. Your child might have been assigned male at birth but identifies as female, or vice versa. Some children might not fit into the category of “male” or “female” at all, identifying as nonbinary, genderfluid, or another identity altogether.

For many parents, understanding this distinction between gender and sex can be challenging at first. But think of it this way—gender is who we are inside, how we feel, how we see ourselves. It’s deeply personal. On the other hand, the sex we’re assigned at birth is more about biology—things like anatomy and chromosomes. They don’t always line up.

Understanding the Difference Between Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation

A common area of confusion for parents of transgender children is understanding the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation. Here’s an easy way to break it down: Gender identity is about who you are. Sexual orientation is about who you’re attracted to. For example, your child might be transgender, but they could still identify as straight, gay, bisexual, or anything else.

It’s important to remember these are separate aspects of your child’s identity. Sorting out these details can help you avoid unnecessary confusion and make sure you’re addressing your child’s needs in the right way.

Why Your Support as a Parent is Crucial Protective Factor

Now that we’ve covered the basics, let’s talk about something even more crucial—your role as a parent. If there’s one thing I can’t stress enough, it’s the importance of parental support. The reality is, that parental acceptance can be the difference between a child thriving or suffering emotionally.

A 2016 study by Olson and colleagues, published in Pediatrics Journal, shows that transgender children who are supported by their families experience significantly lower rates of anxiety and depression. It’s powerful stuff.

Think of it this way—your love and support act as a shield against a world that isn’t always kind to transgender youth. The more you stand by your child, the stronger that shield becomes. Your role isn’t just as a parent; it’s as their ally and protector.

Research backs this up (Ryan, C., et al., 2010; Olson, K. R., et al., 2016;  Simons, L., et al., 2013).  Family acceptance has been shown to reduce the risk of mental health challenges in transgender youth.

When parents support their child’s gender identity—by using their chosen name, respecting pronouns, and advocating for them in social spaces—there’s a significant drop in anxiety, depression, and even suicidal ideation. Without exaggeration, your support can be life-saving.

Emotional and Practical Support for Your Transgender Child

Creating an Open, Safe Environment

One of the most critical things you can do is create an open, non-judgmental space where your child feels safe to express themselves. Open communication is key here. If your child comes to you with their fears or concerns, listen. Don’t rush to fix things or offer solutions right away. Sometimes, your child just needs to know that you’re there, really hearing them.

As a therapist, I often tell parents to say something as simple as, “I’m here for you, and I love you.” It might seem small, but those words have power. They remind your child that no matter what the world throws at them, they’ve got you in their corner.

Affirming Your Child’s Identity with Name and Pronouns

Another way to show support is by affirming your child’s identity. This means using their chosen name and pronouns. Sure, it can feel a bit awkward at first—especially if you’ve used their birth name for years—but this small step speaks volumes about how much you care.

Let’s say your child was named “John” at birth but now identifies as “Jessica.” Every time you use the name “Jessica” or refer to your child as “she,” you’re validating who they are. And if you slip up? That’s okay! Correct yourself, and move on. What matters is that you’re trying, and your child will appreciate that.

Consider These Questions

• “What name do you feel comfortable with?”
• “I want to get this right, so can you tell me which pronouns you’d like me to use?”
• “It’s new for me, but I love you, and I’ll keep trying my best.”
• “How are you feeling about everything right now?”
• “What can I do to support you?”
• “Is there anyone else you’d like to tell about your gender or this process? How can I help with that?”
• “What parts of this are exciting for you? What parts are scary?”
• “Do you feel safe at school, with friends, or in other places?”
• “What do you think has been the hardest part of this for you?”
• “How can we keep having fun together as we figure things out?”
• “Is there anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or hurt that I might not realize?”

These are the kinds of conversations that can open doors and help your child feel seen.

Addressing Common Fears and Misunderstandings

Let’s be honest—this process can bring up some fears. You might worry about your child’s future, how they’ll be treated by others, or how you’ll navigate these changes. These concerns are natural, but they don’t have to paralyze you. It’s all about taking it one step at a time.

It’s okay to admit you don’t have all the answers. In fact, your child doesn’t expect you to be perfect—they just want to know you’re trying. If you’re unsure about something, it’s okay to say, “I’m not sure, but I’ll figure it out with you.” That willingness to learn and grow together is what matters most.

As a therapist and a parent, I remember how hard it was when my own child came out as transgender. There were moments when I felt lost, even though I work with families in similar situations. I had to remind myself, “I’m not just a therapist; I’m a parent navigating something personal.”

I learned to let go of needing all the answers and instead focused on simply being there for my child. That experience taught me something important: it’s okay to be vulnerable. My child didn’t need me to be the expert; they just needed me to show up.

Navigating Social, Educational, and Healthcare Systems

Advocating for Your Child in School Settings

Schools can be tough for transgender teens. Whether it’s dealing with bullying or trying to navigate gendered spaces like bathrooms or locker rooms, the school environment can feel hostile at times. As a parent, one of the best things you can do is advocate for your child. Speak to teachers, administrators, and counselors to ensure they understand your child’s needs.

If your child is being misgendered or bullied, don’t be afraid to step in and escalate the issue. Remember, your child has the right to feel safe and respected at school. Sometimes, it’s not just about addressing problems after they happen, but about setting up a system of support before issues arise.

Talk to school officials early on and let them know you expect a safe, affirming environment for your child. If your child is a student in the Chicago Public Schools system, you might want to familiarize yourself with their guidelines for supporting trans and gender diverse students, which include the potential of a Gender Support Plan for your child.

Finding Gender-Affirming Medical Care and Queer and LGBT Therapists

Navigating healthcare can feel like a daunting task. Whether your child is seeking medical transition options or simply needs an individual therapist who understands their gender identity, finding the right professionals is crucial.

Look for doctors and mental health providers who specialize in transgender care. In Chicago, there are excellent resources like Lurie Children’s Hospital Gender Development Program and the University of Chicago’s Trans Care Clinic, where both you and your child can find support.

Choosing Gender-Affirming Therapists and Doctors

• Seek referrals from LGBTQ+ organizations like PFLAG or the Human Rights Campaign.
• Ask potential providers about their experience with transgender clients.
• Make sure your child feels comfortable and heard by their healthcare team.

Managing Seeking Support for Parents of Transgender Teens

Supporting your transgender child doesn’t mean ignoring your own emotions. You might feel a range of things—fear for your child’s safety, grief over letting go of the expectations you had, or discomfort as you learn to navigate new territory. That’s okay.

It’s important to give yourself permission to feel. Pushing those emotions aside won’t make them go away. Instead, acknowledge them, talk about them, and give yourself grace. It’s normal to feel a bit lost at times.

You may feel as though you’re losing the child you once knew, but in reality, you’re gaining a deeper understanding of who they truly are. It’s okay to grieve the future you imagined for them while also embracing the future they’re creating for themselves.

Worrying about your child’s safety is also natural, especially in a world that can be unkind to transgender individuals. But rather than letting fear dictate your actions, use it as fuel to advocate for their rights, safety, and well-being.

We all have unconscious biases, shaped by society’s views on gender. Take time to reflect on your beliefs and where they come from. By challenging these biases, you can create a more supportive environment for your child.

It’s okay to seek help for yourself too. There are many support groups, like PFLAG-PTI, where you can connect with other parents going through similar experiences (Chicago’s chapter meets at the Center on Halsted; the staff at the Center on Halsted can provide you with updated information about meeting times and locations.).

Individual therapy for you can also provide a safe space to process your emotions and work through the challenges you’re facing.

National Resources for Trans and Queer Youth

• The Trevor Project – A national crisis intervention and suicide prevention resource for LGBTQ youth.
• Human Rights Campaign (HRC) – Offers resources on gender identity and legal rights for transgender individuals.
• Gender Spectrum – Provides education, support groups, and online resources for parents and transgender youth.

Chicago and Illinois Resources for Gender Diverse Youth

• Lurie Children’s Hospital Gender Development Program – Provides comprehensive medical care, including hormone therapy and mental health services, for transgender youth.
• Center on Halsted – Offers therapy, community programs, and support services for LGBTQ+ youth and their families.
• University of Chicago’s Trans Care Clinic – Specializes in medical and mental health care for transgender youth, including hormone therapy.
• PFLAG-PTI Chicago – Provides local support groups and resources for parents of transgender children, helping families navigate their child’s gender identity.
• Howard Brown Health – Offers gender affirming healthcare and support services for transgender youth, including hormone therapy and counseling.
• Illinois Safe Schools Alliance – Advocates for safe, inclusive school environments for LGBTQ+ students and provides resources for parents and educators.
• Chicago House TransLife Care Program – Offers healthcare, legal assistance, employment services, and behavioral health counseling for transgender individuals.
• Lurie Children’s at Northwestern Medicine Lake Forest Hospital – Provides gender affirming care for transgender youth in the northern suburbs.
• Youth Outlook – Hosts drop-in centers and support groups for LGBTQ+ youth and parents in the Chicago suburbs.
• Gender Cool Project – Focuses on positive storytelling and advocacy for transgender and non-binary youth.
• Chicago Youth Programs – LGBTQ+ Support – Provides mentoring, counseling, and educational support for LGBTQ+ teens, including transgender youth.
• Equality Illinois – Advocates for LGBTQ+ rights and offers resources for transgender youth and families across the state.

Parenting a transgender child is a journey, and while it may come with challenges, it’s also filled with opportunities for growth, love, and deeper connection. Your support is one of the most powerful things you can offer your child.

At Tandem Psychology, we understand the complexities of this journey, and we’re here to help! Whether you need support for yourself or your child, reach out to us today.

Together – with your expertise on yourself and your child and our expertise in queer and LGBT therapy – we can navigate this path with care, compassion, and strength.

This blog is made for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice. The information in this blog is not intended to (1) replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified licensed health care provider, (2) create or establish a provider-patient relationship, or (3) create a duty for us to follow up with you.