Change is a part of our lives, whether it’s welcomed or not, we must all become skilled at managing transitions.  The kinds of changes we experience throughout our lives have the power to alter the trajectory of plans in significant ways.

Transitions can be developmental – moving out, graduating, pregnancy, or can be sudden and traumatic – such as the loss of a job or the death of a loved one. Whether the transitions stem from moving to a new city for school or a job or are the result of unplanned changes, finding a new normal is essential to successfully overcoming the unknown.

A number of mental health outcomes can result from life’s transitions. These outcomes can lead to a greater sense of self, greater resiliency, and stronger coping strategies. However, due to the unknown, transitions can also lead to unwanted mental health outcomes and may benefit from life transitions therapy.

Whatever the case, someone experiencing a life transition must confront the unknown, and getting a head start can help bolster your abilities for managing transitions. Transitions can test and put a strain on us and our relationships to others. Confronting and overcoming difficulties with life’s transitions can come from internal resources and by relying on those outside of us.

Prevention First

A stressor is any event or experience that causes a stress response in our bodies and minds. A transition in life can act as a stressor, but not all transitions – or stressors for that matter – are perceived equally.

Some stressors prompt what is referred to as eustress – the kind of stress response that improves our performance and strengthens our resiliency. For example, performance anxiety is a kind of eustress that allows us to show up and do our best.

Athletics, theater performances, and job interviews prompt the kind of mind-body response that gives us what we need. Alternatively, distress is when a stressor becomes too overwhelming to manage or move through. Many people seek counseling and life transition therapy when prolonged distress is present.

When possible, the best course of action is to prepare as much as possible for life changes. “Getting your ducks in a row” gives us a sense of control, and feeling in control throughout a transition promotes our resiliency. This preparation also means conducting a review of what kinds of coping strategies work and which can use a refresher; and reaching out to friends and family as a preemptive strategy.

Planning can also shift emotional states from anxious and scared to excited and eager. If possible, create a timeline of the necessary tasks needed to prepare for a transition and build for yourself a sense of anticipation. If too much distress starts to occur, only do what is absolutely necessary to keep on track and then shift your attention to reduce the distress. Again, some stress is good, but too much and you will lose the performance-enhancing benefits of eustress.

Give Yourself Time to Adjust

One of the more commonly identified and applied diagnoses in the DSM-5 is Adjustment Disorder. This diagnosis is often used by mental health professionals as an initial diagnosis indicating a person is struggling with recent changes in life. Some of these difficulties can lead to feelings of sadness, anxiousness, or an increase in undesirable behaviors as a way to cope.

Struggling to adjust, however, is a normal process and a diagnosis of adjustment disorder must be balanced with an important factor – time. The DSM-5 gives a 3–6-month window from the beginning of a transition to when the distress resolves. What this means is that there is time built into when a person is “expected” to resolve their transition and feel a new normal.

No one would be expected to resolve a big life transition within one or two weeks, but if you feel the same or worse after 6 months, it might be time to reach out to a mental health professional for life transitions therapy.

For some perspective, the formation of a new habit takes time. There is plenty of guidance on how long a new habit takes to form, and research suggests anywhere from 18-254 days*. What this range tells us is that responding and creating a new normal is highly variable from person to person and from habit to habit.

Managing transitions requires us to build a new normal pattern of behaviors and routines, and this takes time. Be kind and understanding toward yourself and give yourself time to adjust, observe, learn, and do differently.

Lean on Tried-and-True Skills and Relationships

For those experiencing transitions, it is important to remember that changes in one area of life do not have to automatically mean changes in all areas of life. For example, coping strategies such as exercise and meditation can still be useful strategies for managing transitions.

Stress management techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, engaging in a hobby, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga, exercise, medication, and even making an appointment with a mental health professional can all help to re-center yourself in a time of transition.

Friends and family are great resources to lean on when going through a transition and are a reminder that none of us need to ‘go at it alone’. These relationships offer emotional support, and they can offer perspective or helpful suggestions to ease your own transition. Perspectives and learning what others have done are real-life examples of successful transition management.

Additionally, ‘keeping up with’ established areas of our life can give us a sense of stability and structure in day-to-day planning. This helps to limit the destabilizing parts of a transition, giving us the needed focus to manage them better.

Try Something New

Transitions in life can provide opportunity if approached openly and intentionally. Adopting a new frame of reference, new patterns of habits or routines, or making new social connections can ease and alleviate the stress related to transitioning.

Viewing a life transition as an opportunity can open you up to finding a new way of being and allow for the development of new relationships and more effective coping strategies.

Building new relationships in the midst of a transition might sound like a hard task, but strong social supports act as a buffer to stress and distress. If one of your go-to strategies is exercise, joining a new gym or exercise class gets you intermingling with others. In large cities, like Chicago, there are numerous locations and social groups that can overlap with your own interests.

Knitting groups, language meet-ups, intramural sports leagues, cooking classes or restaurant tastings, and book clubs are all available to begin building new relationships with others. Many of the insights and skills you might learn in counseling and life transitions therapy can help you enter these spaces with a greater sense of confidence and self-assuredness.

Be on the Look Out

It is normal in the midst of a life transition to feel lost, to grieve what was, to feel alone, or to feel anxious about the unknown. What is not normal and should prompt immediate action is if there is any significant increase in the amount of alcohol or substances used, intense feelings of isolation, or if you start to experience any thoughts of suicide or self-harm.

These are responses to transition and can indicate a deeper concern for mental health, and you should immediately reach out to support – either through a suicide hotline or by making an appointment with a mental health professional.

Seeking counseling or therapy for life’s transitions can occur at any stage of a transition and is an equally reliable strategy for managing these transitions. A mental health professional can assist you in identifying strategies and steps to creating a life that is informed by your values and wants in life.

Many of these professionals can use the therapeutic environment to help you plan, strengthen your relationship skills, introduce new coping strategies, and provide referrals that align with the kind of transitions you are experiencing.

Strategies such as Solution Focused Brief Therapy, interpersonal communication skills training, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapies can be focused and tailored to the kinds of needs you might have.

They also have the added benefit of being relatively more efficient at identifying and addressing areas of concern and are chock full of effective skills. Counseling and life transitions therapy should not always be viewed as a last resort, but rather one of the many ways you can prepare for and respond to… life.

*Lally P., van Jaarsveld C.H.M., Potts H.W.W., Wardle J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. Eur J Soc Psychol, (40)6. 998-1009. doi:10.1002/ejsp.674

Vincent Marasco, PhD

This blog is made for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice. The information in this blog is not intended to (1) replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified licensed health care provider, (2) create or establish a provider-patient relationship, or (3) create a duty for us to follow up with you.